What is it do you think that makes a good friend? In todays world , many are defined by the friendships they have made and kept. Whether they have many friends, the length of time the friendship has endured rather than the quality of the friendships themselves.
I have been called a very bad friend this week and to be honest im struggling to deal with it. Granted im not a classic type. Some may and have called me self absorbed, driven and often preoccupied. Its easy to become this way when you lead a very busy life, I seem to not manage it terribly well. Im allways running around at mach 1 for some reason. Despite my best efforts to keep in touch and love them as I do, keeping in touch with my friends and keeping up with them and their lives is becoming more and more of an uphill task. Perhaps its modern living..... perhaps its just me..... not putting enough effort in although I do try.... but either way im obviously not performing to everyones satisfaction
Im terrible at remembering dates. That includes birthdays and,anniversaries. Ive never been able to do this, lol I dont even remember my own. Im not one of these who forgets everyones special days but expects my own to be remembered. I figure that if I dont conform and remem ber to send cards for these things then I have no business expecting friends to remember mine. I usually remember eventually and when I do Ill allways send flowers or a gift together with a note of apology
Im not good at phoning once a week or even once a fortnight. I ring when I can, which I suppose is not often enough, but when I do I want to hear about everything my friend has been doing. I ask about their kids , dogs , cats families etc and im genuinely interested in what they have to say. Is there a set time for calling? I dont know. I dont get lots of time free as I am a busy employer running two companies and have a job which requires a deal of foreign travel, so when my feet touch the ground I have a million things to do. Catching up with the friends is one of them.
Im also not good at allways attending all the gatherings arranged. Im either working or im away travelling which doesnt make it easy, but if theres something going on and im here I love to attend. My friends sometimes get quite sniffy about it saying that im never here. Thats not strictly true of course . Im here some of the time and others im not... its my life, what can I do
What I am good at though is allways being there in times of crisis. The best time to catch me is early in the morning by mail or im when im checking my mails in bed or when im in the car on the way to work and those who know me and love me call me then. Its at these times when i have a few minutes to call my own I can fully function as a friend, contact wise.
If theres a problem im there 100%. I will stop whatever im doing for a friend in trouble . For me its a question of prioritising. I feel, rightly or not that if all is well in their world and im not needed then fine but when I am needed I am there. This has included in the past doing the school run, taking sick kids to the hospital in the middle of the night, having my friends kids work in the business for work experience and most important of all dropping everything and listening .....Im allways there to listen im smiling to myself here as i write this because although I like to think im this way Im actually probably not. I suppose if im brutally honest im free to listen when i have the time to listen. Im aware that im probably digging myself a big hole here, but if im to tell you the tale I might as well tell the truth or theres no point now is there?
I will be and am the person to turn to when the chips are down. When one needs to stand up and be counted. If they come to me and are in trouble I will allways come to their aid night or day and my true friends know this, and even now I think of it my acquaintances. If I say Ill do something Ill do it without fail and if I can make a difference to someones life Ill do that too, without hesitation.
I dont have lots of friends but a few . I know many people and have plenty of acquaintances but real friends to whom I can turn, only a handful. Those that I have I love dearly and it was a truly bitter blow to me when i was told that I wasnt a good enough friend and that the friendship was effectively terminated after 20 years because i forgot his birthday two years running
Am I such a bad friend do you think?
What is it do you think that makes a good friend? In todays world , many are defined by the friendships they have made and kept. Whether they have many friends, the length of time the friendship has endured rather than the quality of the friendships themselves.
I have been called a very bad friend this week and to be honest im struggling to deal with it. Granted im not a classic type. Some may and have called me self absorbed, driven and often preoccupied. Its easy to become this way when you lead a very busy life, I seem to not manage it terribly well. Im allways running around at mach 1 for some reason. Despite my best efforts to keep in touch and love them as I do, keeping in touch with my friends and keeping up with them and their lives is becoming more and more of an uphill task. Perhaps its modern living..... perhaps its just me..... not putting enough effort in although I do try.... but either way im obviously not performing to everyones satisfaction
Im terrible at remembering dates. That includes birthdays and,anniversaries. Ive never been able to do this, lol I dont even remember my own. Im not one of these who forgets everyones special days but expects my own to be remembered. I figure that if I dont conform and remem ber to send cards for these things then I have no business expecting friends to remember mine. I usually remember eventually and when I do Ill allways send flowers or a gift together with a note of apology
Im not good at phoning once a week or even once a fortnight. I ring when I can, which I suppose is not often enough, but when I do I want to hear about everything my friend has been doing. I ask about their kids , dogs , cats families etc and im genuinely interested in what they have to say. Is there a set time for calling? I dont know. I dont get lots of time free as I am a busy employer running two companies and have a job which requires a deal of foreign travel, so when my feet touch the ground I have a million things to do. Catching up with the friends is one of them.
Im also not good at allways attending all the gatherings arranged. Im either working or im away travelling which doesnt make it easy, but if theres something going on and im here I love to attend. My friends sometimes get quite sniffy about it saying that im never here. Thats not strictly true of course . Im here some of the time and others im not... its my life, what can I do
What I am good at though is allways being there in times of crisis. The best time to catch me is early in the morning by mail or im when im checking my mails in bed or when im in the car on the way to work and those who know me and love me call me then. Its at these times when i have a few minutes to call my own I can fully function as a friend, contact wise.
If theres a problem im there 100%. I will stop whatever im doing for a friend in trouble . For me its a question of prioritising. I feel, rightly or not that if all is well in their world and im not needed then fine but when I am needed I am there. This has included in the past doing the school run, taking sick kids to the hospital in the middle of the night, having my friends kids work in the business for work experience and most important of all dropping everything and listening .....Im allways there to listen im smiling to myself here as i write this because although I like to think im this way Im actually probably not. I suppose if im brutally honest im free to listen when i have the time to listen. Im aware that im probably digging myself a big hole here, but if im to tell you the tale I might as well tell the truth or theres no point now is there?
I will be and am the person to turn to when the chips are down. When one needs to stand up and be counted. If they come to me and are in trouble I will allways come to their aid night or day and my true friends know this, and even now I think of it my acquaintances. If I say Ill do something Ill do it without fail and if I can make a difference to someones life Ill do that too, without hesitation.
I dont have lots of friends but a few . I know many people and have plenty of acquaintances but real friends to whom I can turn, only a handful. Those that I have I love dearly and it was a truly bitter blow to me when i was told that I wasnt a good enough friend and that the friendship was effectively terminated after 20 years because i forgot his birthday two years running
Tink.......I did not go back in the blogs and look for this one, it just came upon it by chance. I agree with CG in that your description of yourself as a friend is quite a bit like me as well. I don't always remember to do all those things either, but, like you I too can be counted on to help however I am able to, when the chips are down.
Your friend cutting you out like that makes me wonder who is worse at being a friend.....you or him? I vote him.....
On the other side of the page, it sounds like you could use a personal assistant to help you remember all the things that you forget.....LOL!
Tink.......I did not go back in the blogs and look for this one, it just came upon it by chance. I agree with CG in that your description of yourself as a friend is quite a bit like me as well. I don't always remember to do all those things either, but, like you I too can be counted on to help however I am able to, when the chips are down.
Your friend cutting you out like that makes me wonder who is worse at being a friend.....you or him? I vote him.....
On the other side of the page, it sounds like you could use a personal assistant to help you remember all the things that you forget.....LOL!
"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."
I think Face Book helps me 80% of the time to remember all the birthdays of my friends and family. You can go on for 2 minutes and check the birhtdays. It's a crazy world to keep up in though. But this is my saving grace!
I think Face Book helps me 80% of the time to remember all the birthdays of my friends and family. You can go on for 2 minutes and check the birhtdays. It's a crazy world to keep up in though. But this is my saving grace!
Hi Tink...I have had some setbacks of late,,some i have related in the blogs. I seem to be caught in a cascade and I havent yet found the exit.Dealing with all as best I can.
Being discarded hurts, no matter the circumstances. Good for you that you can move on and get past it. I would have been crushed. Loosing anyone that you allow to get close is painful.
Quoting Tinkerbelle:
Shaz sweetie. Long time no hear. How goes it in your world? Hope all is well and improving. My friend, or should I say ex friend does this from time to time. Hes a real drama queen and can be incredibly cruel. Ive watched from the sidelines over the years as hes cut people from his life with surgical precision and utter cruelty. Guess it was just my turn. I have allready moved on, dont worry but its never nice to be told you are a bad friend and discarded now is it. I doubt I will ever see him ahain and thats fine. Life ebbs and flows... people come and go... thats the way of things
Quoting Tinkerbelle:
Shaz sweetie. Long time no hear. How goes it in your world? Hope all is well and improving. My friend, or should I say ex friend does this from time to time. Hes a real drama queen and can be incredibly cruel. Ive watched from the sidelines over the years as hes cut people from his life with surgical precision and utter cruelty. Guess it was just my turn. I have allready moved on, dont worry but its never nice to be told you are a bad friend and discarded now is it. I doubt I will ever see him ahain and thats fine. Life ebbs and flows... people come and go... thats the way of things
Hi Tink...I have had some setbacks of late,,some i have related in the blogs. I seem to be caught in a cascade and I havent yet found the exit.Dealing with all as best I can.
Being discarded hurts, no matter the circumstances. Good for you that you can move on and get past it. I would have been crushed. Loosing anyone that you allow to get close is painful.
Shaz sweetie. Long time no hear. How goes it in your world? Hope all is well and improving. My friend, or should I say ex friend does this from time to time. Hes a real drama queen and can be incredibly cruel. Ive watched from the sidelines over the years as hes cut people from his life with surgical precision and utter cruelty. Guess it was just my turn. I have allready moved on, dont worry but its never nice to be told you are a bad friend and discarded now is it. I doubt I will ever see him ahain and thats fine. Life ebbs and flows... people come and go... thats the way of things
Quoting shazbot82
I think you are a stellar friend, Miss D. I know from personal experience.
Perhaps the subject of your blog is experiencing the first symptoms of dementia as he ages.
I am not trying to be funny. Often ,such unreasonable actions ARE precursors to abnormal mental decline and changes in personality should always be examined by a doctor.
My favorite aunt exhibited behavior exactly as you describe beginning about 10 years before a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer was made.
She saw nothing at all unusual in her own behavior and blamed others for provoking her when nothing of the sort had taken place. Before we learned the true cause, the family suffered heartache and confusion from her often harsh actions.
take heart love, all of this may be caused by something neither of you have control over. Either way, try to forgive and move on. You will be happier for it.
Quoting shazbot82
I think you are a stellar friend, Miss D. I know from personal experience.
Perhaps the subject of your blog is experiencing the first symptoms of dementia as he ages.
I am not trying to be funny. Often ,such unreasonable actions ARE precursors to abnormal mental decline and changes in personality should always be examined by a doctor.
My favorite aunt exhibited behavior exactly as you describe beginning about 10 years before a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer was made.
She saw nothing at all unusual in her own behavior and blamed others for provoking her when nothing of the sort had taken place. Before we learned the true cause, the family suffered heartache and confusion from her often harsh actions.
take heart love, all of this may be caused by something neither of you have control over. Either way, try to forgive and move on. You will be happier for it.
Shaz sweetie. Long time no hear. How goes it in your world? Hope all is well and improving. My friend, or should I say ex friend does this from time to time. Hes a real drama queen and can be incredibly cruel. Ive watched from the sidelines over the years as hes cut people from his life with surgical precision and utter cruelty. Guess it was just my turn. I have allready moved on, dont worry but its never nice to be told you are a bad friend and discarded now is it. I doubt I will ever see him ahain and thats fine. Life ebbs and flows... people come and go... thats the way of things
I think you are a stellar friend, Miss D. I know from personal experience.
Perhaps the subject of your blog is experiencing the first symptoms of dementia as he ages.
I am not trying to be funny. Often ,such unreasonable actions ARE precursors to abnormal mental decline and changes in personality should always be examined by a doctor.
My favorite aunt exhibited behavior exactly as you describe beginning about 10 years before a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer was made.
She saw nothing at all unusual in her own behavior and blamed others for provoking her when nothing of the sort had taken place. Before we learned the true cause, the family suffered heartache and confusion from her often harsh actions.
take heart love, all of this may be caused by something neither of you have control over. Either way, try to forgive and move on. You will be happier for it.
I think you are a stellar friend, Miss D. I know from personal experience.
Perhaps the subject of your blog is experiencing the first symptoms of dementia as he ages.
I am not trying to be funny. Often ,such unreasonable actions ARE precursors to abnormal mental decline and changes in personality should always be examined by a doctor.
My favorite aunt exhibited behavior exactly as you describe beginning about 10 years before a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer was made.
She saw nothing at all unusual in her own behavior and blamed others for provoking her when nothing of the sort had taken place. Before we learned the true cause, the family suffered heartache and confusion from her often harsh actions.
take heart love, all of this may be caused by something neither of you have control over. Either way, try to forgive and move on. You will be happier for it.
Dear Kinky Gerlinky [boy I gotta check out THAT profile!!!].... Absolutely there must be stuff for the guys. In fact, I think there should MORE stuff for guys than for women because stuff of the nature I'm sure we both have in mind [fluorescent thongs for Deke & Bill] is so much funnier than any of the stuff for gals. Molly Munch P.S.: I just did a quick for fluorescent men't thongs. I wanted to post a pic, but I couldn't find anything the MM powers that be would leave up for more than 7 and a half seconds. LOLOL
Quoting Tinkerbelle
wahahaha too funny Pat lets hijack this blog and open a Boutique. You can be buyer . Is this a womens boutique or do we get to have stuff for the guys. I personally want to see Deke and Bill in fluorescent thongs I want a rubber outfit.... Vick our picture mistress.... find us a snap of one Kinky gerlinky
Quoting Tinkerbelle
wahahaha too funny Pat lets hijack this blog and open a Boutique. You can be buyer . Is this a womens boutique or do we get to have stuff for the guys. I personally want to see Deke and Bill in fluorescent thongs I want a rubber outfit.... Vick our picture mistress.... find us a snap of one Kinky gerlinky
Dear Kinky Gerlinky [boy I gotta check out THAT profile!!!].... Absolutely there must be stuff for the guys. In fact, I think there should MORE stuff for guys than for women because stuff of the nature I'm sure we both have in mind [fluorescent thongs for Deke & Bill] is so much funnier than any of the stuff for gals. Molly Munch P.S.: I just did a quick for fluorescent men't thongs. I wanted to post a pic, but I couldn't find anything the MM powers that be would leave up for more than 7 and a half seconds. LOLOL
wahahaha too funny Pat lets hijack this blog and open a Booty Boutique. You can be buyer . Is this a womens boutique or do we get to have stuff for the guys. I personally want to see Deke and Bill in fluorescent thongs I want a rubber outfit.... Vick our picture mistress.... find us a snap of one Kinky gerlinky
Quoting Curious2078
Did someone say "buy lingerie?" That's the province of Molly Munch. I'll get right on it.......... Lingerie for fairies. Coming right up...... Molly "The Booty Boutique Supplier" Munch
Quoting Curious2078
Did someone say "buy lingerie?" That's the province of Molly Munch. I'll get right on it.......... Lingerie for fairies. Coming right up...... Molly "The Booty Boutique Supplier" Munch
wahahaha too funny Pat lets hijack this blog and open a Booty Boutique. You can be buyer . Is this a womens boutique or do we get to have stuff for the guys. I personally want to see Deke and Bill in fluorescent thongs I want a rubber outfit.... Vick our picture mistress.... find us a snap of one Kinky gerlinky
Did someone say "buy lingerie?" That's the province of Molly Munch. I'll get right on it.......... Lingerie for fairies. Coming right up...... Molly "The Booty Boutique Supplier" Munch
Quoting deke7344
That's easy then... buy him some lingerie.
Quoting deke7344
That's easy then... buy him some lingerie.
Did someone say "buy lingerie?" That's the province of Molly Munch. I'll get right on it.......... Lingerie for fairies. Coming right up...... Molly "The Booty Boutique Supplier" Munch
lol Bill your ex was lucky ....you are a quality man and a quality friend
Quoting billzeke
Give it a little while Tink. True friendships don't end because of something as silly as this. You made a mistake. You are a busy lady; It happens. It wasn't intentional. My EX and I are still close friends and she had to live with me for 10 years...
Quoting billzeke
Give it a little while Tink. True friendships don't end because of something as silly as this. You made a mistake. You are a busy lady; It happens. It wasn't intentional. My EX and I are still close friends and she had to live with me for 10 years...
lol Bill your ex was lucky ....you are a quality man and a quality friend
BOO ill try not to forget but I cant promise. Your comments are germane though . Just what kind of person does this? and you know what? it was the way he did it with almost surgical precision and as Timberoo quite rightly says he did it in such a way as to hurt, and he did. Job done
Quoting deke7344
Bill is right and I wonder what sort of friend would terminate a 20 year friendship over something this trivial. Good friends are those who are coming towards you in times of need when every one else is heading for the door. I've always felt you would be the first one through the door during a crisis. You are a good friend... and as you know, my birthday is March 3rd. Now don't go an forget that.... or Shaz will never forgive you.
Quoting deke7344
Bill is right and I wonder what sort of friend would terminate a 20 year friendship over something this trivial. Good friends are those who are coming towards you in times of need when every one else is heading for the door. I've always felt you would be the first one through the door during a crisis. You are a good friend... and as you know, my birthday is March 3rd. Now don't go an forget that.... or Shaz will never forgive you.
BOO ill try not to forget but I cant promise. Your comments are germane though . Just what kind of person does this? and you know what? it was the way he did it with almost surgical precision and as Timberoo quite rightly says he did it in such a way as to hurt, and he did. Job done
Pat youve got it more or less spot on. He has issues and hes chosen to take it out on me. No sane person would walk away from a 20 year friendship for a forgotten birthday or two. Ive seen in the past, him do this to others and he waits till they come crawling back. That will NEVER happen with me
Pat youve got it more or less spot on. He has issues and hes chosen to take it out on me. No sane person would walk away from a 20 year friendship for a forgotten birthday or two. Ive seen in the past, him do this to others and he waits till they come crawling back. That will NEVER happen with me
Your description of you sounded like me. I am a poor friend at times.....sure, I'd like to remember all those birthdays, and make all the occasions, but I can't, either. Any real friend still knows you love them, by the way you treat them when you CAN !!! I have a DEAR friend that I didn't see or speak with for 10 years, and he only lived 10-15 miles away. We had the occasion to spend a weekend recently, and it was just as we left off. Neither of us penalized the other for the lack of contact....we knew we just had divergent lives, with commitments to other things and people. But we also both still know the regard with which we hold each other.
Maybe your friend was just having a bad day, or perhaps something else was bothering him. He shouldn't jettison a great friend over something like that. We ALL make mistakes; our good friends forgive us for them.
CG
Tink,
Your description of you sounded like me. I am a poor friend at times.....sure, I'd like to remember all those birthdays, and make all the occasions, but I can't, either. Any real friend still knows you love them, by the way you treat them when you CAN !!! I have a DEAR friend that I didn't see or speak with for 10 years, and he only lived 10-15 miles away. We had the occasion to spend a weekend recently, and it was just as we left off. Neither of us penalized the other for the lack of contact....we knew we just had divergent lives, with commitments to other things and people. But we also both still know the regard with which we hold each other.
Maybe your friend was just having a bad day, or perhaps something else was bothering him. He shouldn't jettison a great friend over something like that. We ALL make mistakes; our good friends forgive us for them.
Dear Tink. To break off a 20-year, close friendship because two birthdays have been forgotten.....well, it sounds as if the gentleman in question is a bit of a prickly person with some very rigid standards....rules for friendships that must be observed or else. Since I don't know the gentleman, I can't possibly speak to what you've lost by losing him as a friend. But I can speak to the fact that his reason for breaking off the friendship is foolish, silly and shallow--and it and and his actions should in no way cause you to question your value as a friend. One thing that might help, after the shock wears off, is questioning what HE valued in the friendship. I'm sure you've given a great deal of your heart and mind and time to him. If those things count for less than your remembering his birthday, then perhaps he's not the man you thought he was. Like you, like most of us, I would think, I have very few truly close 100 percent reliable friends I can call on day or night. Only one of them is the type of individual who bothers to remember friends' birthdays, and, therefore, always remembers mine without a reminder. All that seriousness out of the way, let's skew this into a lighter vein... I'm sure I remember YOUR birthday within a few days... It's right around February 21st, I do believe. So, to hopefully put a smile on your face:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY & ONE HALF
Your forthright honesty is more valuable than any birthday remembrance could ever be.
Pat
Dear Tink. To break off a 20-year, close friendship because two birthdays have been forgotten.....well, it sounds as if the gentleman in question is a bit of a prickly person with some very rigid standards....rules for friendships that must be observed or else. Since I don't know the gentleman, I can't possibly speak to what you've lost by losing him as a friend. But I can speak to the fact that his reason for breaking off the friendship is foolish, silly and shallow--and it and and his actions should in no way cause you to question your value as a friend. One thing that might help, after the shock wears off, is questioning what HE valued in the friendship. I'm sure you've given a great deal of your heart and mind and time to him. If those things count for less than your remembering his birthday, then perhaps he's not the man you thought he was. Like you, like most of us, I would think, I have very few truly close 100 percent reliable friends I can call on day or night. Only one of them is the type of individual who bothers to remember friends' birthdays, and, therefore, always remembers mine without a reminder. All that seriousness out of the way, let's skew this into a lighter vein... I'm sure I remember YOUR birthday within a few days... It's right around February 21st, I do believe. So, to hopefully put a smile on your face:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY & ONE HALF
Your forthright honesty is more valuable than any birthday remembrance could ever be.
